Honors?

Before moving on to Lisa Delpit and my third prompt, I'd like to give my audience another glimpse into the internal writer/educator conflict brewing within me. At this point in my college career, I'm beginning to get comfortable at my new college, and with that comfort comes choices. I've been considering doing an honors program here at this college, since I completed three honors programs at my previous community college. However, I'd like to point out that this motivation for taking up honors is not driven by my open agenda of becoming a future educator. It has nothing to do with padding my resume with dozens of academic accolades; that has nothing to do, in my opinion, with practical experience gained in the field of pedagogy.

Rather, this intuitive motivation to take up an honors project here has to do with my hidden agenda at the college -- the agenda of becoming a published author at some point in my life. It is an agenda I keep well hidden from most of my peers in class, and I'm willing to share it here because everyone has a hidden agenda, including educators.

Why do I write? It is not only a valid question to ask, but a crucial one as well. Is there some dark part of my ego that can only be satisfied by the fleeting satisfaction that one has in the moments just prior to finishing a good piece of work? Maybe I have something to say, or maybe there is something to be said (Fitzgerald would agree with the latter over the former). What matters more to be as a future secondary educator, the content of what I teach, or the vehicle in which it will be delivered? I get the sense that many of my classmates in my education class do not have such a conflict, perhaps that is because many of them will be elementary education teachers. But it is a question that holds important truths for the secondary teacher, because they pick a subject to specialize in. The love of English and of pedagogy are both strong in me, and there are moments of great collaboration between the two, but there is no denying it -- they are both vying for a special place in my heart.